Soul mate partners are over-rated

It was entitled “10 signs you have a soul connection to your partner.” So really? Who writes this stuff? I’m betting it was a mid-term paper for a freshman PSYC 101 class and the writer will turn 18 later this fall.

My husband saw the list in scribbled writing in a little purple notebook in the middle of our bed. “What are these?” he asked. “Love notes?” I laughed. “Yeah,” I responded. “They are notes for my next blog about soul mates. Does this sound like us? ‘interested in the same art or writing.'”  “Absolutely not,” he replied emphatically.  “Well, we do laugh at the same things,” he added.

“Yeah, right,” I said. “We laugh at Everybody Loves Raymond and The King of Queens because they remind us of our comedic relationship. I’m not sure that counts.”

Another one from the list that I read to my husband was, “you never had to figure out whether you were meant to be.”  And he immediately brushed that one off.

I’ve mentioned my Myers-Briggs personality type to you before. It consists of four letters, INFJ. My husband’s letters are the exact opposite of mine; he’s an ESTP. He no more cares whether he has a personality type or not. He doesn’t give a rip who Myers and Briggs are either. He took the Inventory in college and then again after we got married because I asked him to. But he’s not going to sit around and discuss whether we were meant to be on some cosmic level.

Another one on the list is “you create together.” Well, my husband and I had just struck out!  Three up and three down.  He’s creative; I’m creative. Together….not so much.  So, according to the blog post writer my husband and I are definitely not soul mates. The other seven signs were just as bleak for us.

Oh well. I’ve decided it’s just not all that important to be soul mates. Everyone knows opposites attract, and there’s nothing soul matey about opposites attracting. It’s hard work when opposite personality types, and just opposites in general, find themselves living together, even if one of the two doesn’t give a darn that he has a personality type and refuses to be “pigeon holed.”

And it’s OK if you aren’t interested in the same art and writing, or if you don’t create together. And it’s perfectly acceptable if you actually have to figure out how in the world you ever ended up together, and it’s just fine if anyone who has ever known you for more than 20 minutes asks “How did you two ever end up together?”

Because really it’s not being soul mates that makes a relationship, a marriage, last. Here’s the things I think that make our marriage to opposites last:

  • love
  • respect
  • patience
  • patience
  • patience
  • senses of humor
  • can’t imagine life without the other
  • family
  • commitment, and
  • shared history.

When you have been together for almost 23 years being soul mates doesn’t really rise to the top of the list of what’s important. One thing I know about my husband, and I think about it more and more the older we get, is that if I ever lose my sense of self through dementia he is the one person in this world that I know will make sure that I am cared for with dignity. He knows the same about me. Who needs a soul mate when you are living with someone like that?

Do you have a soul mate? Are you still looking for yours? Are you OK if you don’t find your soul mate?  Do you think Mickey and Minnie were soul mates, or something else?  😉


PS  The Mickey & Minnie figurine at the top of the post is a gift from my non-soul mate husband.  He’s a very good gift giver.  He picks out very sweet and thoughtful things that always have some special meaning to them.  Hmmmm.  Maybe there’s more than one kind of soul mate???


One thought on “Soul mate partners are over-rated

  1. As an INFP, I ought to be first in line for the whole soul mate thing. But the term makes me gag.

    Soul mate schmoul mate. Love is work, and love is risk. Pick someone who accepts you and shares enough values with you and shows you love in the ways you feel loved (and vice versa). For me, that’s listening to me and touching me. And then be intentional about the relationship every day.

    Liked by 1 person

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