Time for a cool change

I head downtown for an early dentist appointment. I’m wearing a sweater, partly because it’s a little cool outside, and partly because the exam rooms are like meat lockers. It rains a few drops on my 10 minute trip. We need lots of rain.

It’s a short wait before I’m called back to a patient room. As I sit in the chair I find myself singing along to Little River Band’s ‘Cool Change.’

“Time for a cool change. I know that it’s time for a cool change. Now that my life is so prearranged, I know that it’s time for a cool change.”

I think about autumn. It arrived two weeks ago, but until now it’s still been in the 90’s. Today’s high will be 82. It’s a gorgeous day.

It’s time for a cool change. In more ways than one. Sure, the cooler air feels great. But I need a cool change in body and soul.

While I’ve healed tremendously since my horrific experiences of 2017, every now and then bad feelings return. I’ll feel some butterflies flitting around in my stomach, my chest tightens, a lump forms in my throat. Tears sting my eyes.

I feel hurt, anger, resentment, inadequacy, sadness…a variety of emotions. I don’t wallow in it. I shake it off. But eventually the feelings will return for another brief moment.

It’s time to put it away for good. It’s time for a cool change.

As I often do in times of contemplation I turn to the scriptures. I quickly find Ephesians 4: 31-32.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Today I will let it go. Today I will move forward, never looking back. Today I will forgive those who betrayed me. Today I will forgive those who treated me with contempt, hostility, and malevolence. And today I will forgive myself for reacting rather than responding. Had I been emotionally stronger at the time, perhaps I could have changed the direction of the situations.

But it is water under the bridge now. It’s time for a cool change.

dmzh

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